Don't F#$%ing Swear!

I find that the more I try to stop swearing in real life, the more I have started to swear on the blog.

It's starting to become clear that I need to curb the amount of swearing I do around the house now that I have a munchkin who is starting to listen to everything I say and will one day start repeating it back to me (and my mother!). I really don't want to be put in the awkward situation of her telling someone to piss off, or calling someone fucknuts, so I figure I need to start watching my language now.

It's harder than you would think. I didn't realise how much I actually swear until I started trying not to swear. I've always enjoyed a good swear, and it becomes most pronounced after I get a few drinks under my belt, but I never realised my fave exclamation of exasperation is in fact "Fuck me dead!" or "Fuckin hell!".

Both expressions leave my mouth far more frequently that I ever would have thought and so I am now trying to tone it down and find new words, words that are perhaps not so bad, but I will know what I mean when I utter them in frustration.

Words such as 'flip' for fuck. And...

...and...

...and...

...that's it. That's all I've got so far I often say 'shite', but then I figure that is still very much like 'shit', and 'ship' is just so close I may as well say the real thing. So I haven't worked anything out for that one yet.

Funnily enough, the one place I swear the least, is when I'm driving. I say funnily enough, because I tend to be a road ranter. Not rager, ranter. I rant at idiots on the road. And when I get really worked up I call people that are being dickheads 'sunshine'. Weird right?

We were driving somewhere not that long ago and traffic was being stupid and I was starting to get my rant on, and Dave turned around to Punky and said "Your Mum's gonna start calling people sunshine if they don't get their act together!".

Other swear words I'm quite partial to, and like to use on a regular basis are dickhead, fuckwit (as opposed to fucknuts, fuckwit is the next level up), and asshole. Nothing too creative, just your garden varity swear words. I have been known on occasion to drop the C-bomb, but only if I'm really, really, super-duper, pulling my hair out, crazy mad. Like too angry to even throw a shoe mad. It has to be a really top-of-the-line, nuclear-level explosion of fucking shit to get me to drop that C-bomb, and even then, I'll only ever do it in front of my husband.

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So due to my efforts to curb the language at home, I find it's started to creep in to blog posts. I'm trying to keep a lid on that too, but ladies and gentleman I fear that no lid is strong enough to keep my swearing tendencies underneath it, so I apologise in advance if swearing offends you and you're not happy with me for doing it. I promise I won't call you fucknuts or tell you to fuck off. Well, not on the blog anyway. I'll just think it!

There is one thing that has been bothering me though, and that is how you decide what is acceptable language for your child to hear and what isn't. Some people have a problem with the word 'bum', and don't like their children to say it. I don't really have a problem with it, but I wouldn't want Mia to say it to someone who might. Some people also have a problem with the word 'fart', but I personally think that no other word for popping off really gives it the same justice as the word 'fart' does. But I have been  trying to use the words 'butt' and 'fluff' when I talk to Punky, lest she use the alternatives and people wonder what sort of manners I'm teaching my daughter. (And you're probably wondering what sort of conversations I'm having with her that those words feature regularly!).

So, tell me, what words are acceptable in your house, what do you teach your kids to say? Do you swear in front of them? What words do you use as swear words when you can't use an actual swear word?

P.S. Crap is not a swear word in my vocabulary and I will continue to use it freely in all it's glorious forms, crap, crappy, craptastic, crappy crapperson and holy crapola, to name just a few.

Linking this post up for the fabulous Friday linky's, Bree's Flash Blog Friday and Grace's Flog Yo Blog Friday.