Word Abuse

There are many different types of abuse, but today I would like to talk about one that's dear to my heart. It effects many of us on a daily basis yet we sweep it under the carpet, for fear of telling other people what we really think and risk offending them. Well today I am taking a stand and speaking my mind.

Word Abuse.

It comes in many different forms and we're all guilty of it.

What's that you say? You're not guilty of it? Please bitch, don't make me laugh. You're either living in denial or you really are perfect. If it's the former, read on. If it's the latter? Well, kindly piss off then, God knows we don't need perfect types around here!

No children were harmed in the making of this picture. Sadly, some words might have been.

The first form of word abuse I'd like to acknowledge today is the Overuse form.

Overuse Word Abuse (say that three times quickly!) often occurs without a person knowing it. For years sometimes, a person can live in ignorant bliss of their overusing word abuse, due in part to the fact that people are often too afraid to point out this abuse in someone.

Most often seen in teenagers of the female persuasion, this overuse abuse almost always includes the word 'Like'. Other common words found to be overused by these strangely hormonal, emotionally-fragile creatures are 'you know', 'whatever' and 'that's so unfair'.

However these words are not restricted to the over use of said female teens. The word 'Like' has been known to be overly-peppered through the conversations of 30-something year old men and women alike, especially that of certain husbands (not mentioning any names, Dave). 'Um' is another oft abused word.

Well today, I am doing my bit to acknowledge this affliction, because, as we all know, admitting you have a problem is the first step to overcoming that problem.

So ladies and gentleman (I say gentleman singular coz I'm pretty sure there is only one man who reads this blog, maybe two if it's a lucky day!) I confess to you that my name is Kylie and I overuse abuse the word 'totally'.

It's something I have really only become aware of recently and I'm not sure how long it's been a problem for but I vow to reduce my abuse of the word immediately. Other words I am known to overuse abuse are 'hectic' 'awesome' and 'Da-aaave'.

These poor words are overworked and underpaid. Words such as 'shit' and 'fuck' are made to Overuse Abuse, it's part of their job, but what the fuck did 'totally' ever do to me that I want to take it out and parade it in every second paragraph?

Another form of Word Abuse is much more sinister and again, most often starts with those strangely hormonal, over-emotional teenagers, of  both the male and female persuasion.

It starts off small, heard in the odd conversation here or there, until one day, its insidious infection of our language is complete and its being used by everybody from all walks of life, professionally and personally.

Ladies and gentleman, I am talking about the horrendous act of shortening words. Words like the one I mentioned above, 'totally'.

Now sure, I may be an overuse abuser of the word, but one thing I will never, ever do, is use the shortened form of the word. In fact I am loathe to even type it on this blog, but in the interests of public health I will.

'Totes'.

People, I am here to tell you that this word is just not an acceptable abbreviation to be used by anyone over the age of 15 or under the age of 13. Unless of course it's followed by the words 'mah goats'. Or you're a Triple J presenter. And even then it's questionable, particularly from aging punk rockers.

'Totes ma goats' is an acceptable use of the word 'totes', but seriously people, it ends here. Now.

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Unless of course you are using the word 'totes' ironically I just can't abide it's abuse any longer. Poor 'totally' already has to endure the agony of my overuse time and time again, so to then really put the boot in by shortening it to 'totes'?

Well. That's just fucking mean! Won't somebody think of the 'ly'?

There are some words that should just never be uttered by a human ever again, and they include, but are not limited to, 'totes', 'sliver' and 'reals'. Yes. 'Reals'. I hate to break it to everyone but the word 'real' does not gain anything by having an 's' added to the end of it. In fact, the word 'real' hates to have an 's' added to the end of it.

How do I know this. Because the word 'Kylez' also hates having a 's' added to the end of it. That's why. Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons ok!

And while we are on the subject of names, just so you know. My name is Kylie. 'Kylez' or 'Kie' are acceptable alternatives to Kylie. But NEVER 'Kyle'. 'Kyle' is a boys name, it's a whole other name to Kylie and I won't be called it, you hear!

Now, is there anything else I've missed? I'm sure there are words that you too are guilty of Overuse Abusing, so please, for the good of your soul, confess them in the comments. And so that I can continue to build my list of unacceptable word-shortening, please let me know of other horrendous examples you have heard around the place, or, heaven forbid, use yourself.

And if you are a 'totes' offender then I will grant you leniency but you have been warned!

This is a safe place to share and I will totally (do'h!) be sympathetic to your confessions. But I won't totes be.

I'm linking this post up today with the always totally awesome Grace at With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday. And in case you're wondering, 'yo' is a completely acceptable form of word-shortening.

Also, 10 points to the person who can tell me what song I've referenced somewhere in this post.