Confessions of a New Mum - Guest Post by Emily from Have a Laugh On Me | Motherhood
This is the eighth guest post from other bloggers about their memories of being a new Mum. If you would like to write a post for this series let me know in the comments or send me an email to kylie(@)kyliepurtell(dot)com
Today I have an awesome guest post by the one and only Emily from Have a Laugh On Me. I love Emily's blog, it never fails to entertain me and put a smile on my face. She has written an awesome post for me today about something that isn't always mentioned in antenatal classes... the dreaded 'ring of fire'. I can totally empathise with this because I know that burning feeling, and the joy of being stitched up afterwards!
Love - is a burning thing - and it makes - a fiery ring - I feel in to a burnin' ring of fire.
Who knew the late, great country singer Johnny Cash was so clued up on conception and childbirth - or more to the point the burnin' ring of fire that is 'crowning'.
Yep I'm talking about the intense searing pain that comes when your child attempts to escape your vjayjay.
Why the hell didn't someone prepare me for this part of childbirth
- to me it was the most horrific surprise during labour. All those ante-bloody-natal talks, jam scones and anatomically correct babies and not one mention about the intense pain you will have to endure to eject your bun from the oven.
For everyone else in the birthing room crowning is an exciting stage of labour because they can see the head. But then as the head crowns and then goes back, crowns and then goes back, the feeling is indescribable. The memory sends a shiver down my spine (and I've just crossed my legs).
I remember wanting to go all vampire and climb up the wall, but I was too busy reinventing new swear words and sucking back gas to do diddly squat.
Admittedly I didn't have this pain with my first birth because I was all like 'I don't need to experience pain to have a baby' and had an epidural at about 5cm. After about two hours (I was watching All Saints re-runs) they told me I was fully dilated and it was time to push.
They turned down the drip, I pushed without really knowing what I was doing because I could hardly feel much pain and then POP out came No.1! Honestly it was pretty easy really, thanks to the epi, which also came in useful when my doctor did a very untidy sew-up job down below.
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| Emily with Baby No. 1 |
Once the contractions started to ramp up I started sucking in gas like it was oxygen, at one stage my midwife suggested I take a break - I think I might have flipped her the bird and tried to kick her.
Walking around half nude and not caring who wanted to see my 'progress', I screamed, breathed and panted my way to about 7cm and was literally dying in the ass, begging for pain relief but of course it was too late.
I can't remember what happened in between 7cm and pushing, I was delirious with pain and telling the Husband I had had enough and didn't want to do it anymore. Then that sensation came when you feel like pushing, for those of you have been there I don't need to explain it, for those lucky bastards who haven't - it's kinda like you're a trying to poo out a bowling ball and you have no control over it.
Stupidly I had stopped sucking back gas because quite frankly I couldn't even hold the bloody tube. My screams of agony would've been heard across the entire ward, I held nothing back and out came my precious baby boy through a burnin' ring of fire at 6.04pm.
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| Emily with Baby No. 2 |
For my third I was pretty sure he'd come fast and so I thought I'd go the no-drug option again - I also liked not having a needle in arm and a tube where the sun doesn't shine.
I was induced (my choice) with No.3 and I spent most of the time in a hot shower, rolling around on a fitball and again hanging out with Mr Portable Laughing Gas, who ain't so funny at 9cm dilated.
Having given birth three times I was pretty much left alone by the midwives, in fact it was just after one of their fleeting visits that I felt the sudden urge to push. I told the Husband I was about to give birth in the shower so could he haul my nude ass back into the room.
Except I wasn't actually speaking to him, I was pointing to my vjayvay, rolling my eyes and grunting - lucky he's fluent in 'psycho wife in middle of childbirth' and quickly got someone. They arrived just in time to catch my bonny boy on the way out.
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| Emily with Baby No. 3 |
And would I do it again? NO WAY IN HELL
Do I wish I had three pain-free births? Surprisingly no, I honestly feel that childbirth has changed me as a person. I feel like I can attempt to do anything and while at times I know it would be easier to give up or not even try, I know if I push myself I will be able to get through any challenge - or ring of fire - in front of me.
You can check out Emily's fabulous blog here, her facebook here, and twitter here.
Confessions of a New Mum Part One - Learning Curves and 'Un'Enjoyment
Confessions of a New Mum Part Two - Stitched Up
Confessions of a New Mum Part Three - The Part-time SAHM
Confessions of a New Mum Part Four - Mum Appreciation
Confessions of a New Mum Part Five - Losing My Confidence
Confessions of a New Mum - Kelly from Handmade Tears and Triumphs (Guest Post)
Confessions of a New Mum - Bron from Big Brother, Little Sister & the Baby (Guest Post)
Confessions of a New Mum - Jenn from Mountains & Musings (Guest Post)
Confessions of a New Mum - Sophie from iSophie (Guest Post)
Confessions of a New Mum - Housewife in Heels (Guest Post)
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Comments
Loved your story Em, always good for a laugh :)
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
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