I Birth on Tuesday: One Year Later // Motherhood // Life

On the last Tuesday of July last year, I had just given birth to my second daughter Zee. I whacked up a little birth announcement to let all my bloggy friends know, and then a month later I posted Zee's birth story and titled it "I Birth on Tuesday: A Study in Contractions". I bet you didn't know I love puns, huh ;) 

It's kinda unreal that an entire year has passed since that day. My beautiful baby girl turns 1 tomorrow and if I'm perfectly honest, I'm in a bit of denial about the whole thing!
So much has happened in the last year. We've gone on holidays, Punky turned 2, I've taken the girls to Wagga, I've vowed to lose weight, I've run, I've had a birthday, I've struggled with the realities of being a new Mum for the second time around (and sometimes even wished I wasn't one!). My Mum had a life-changing accident that we've all struggled to come to terms with, her more than any of us.

There have been lots of things that I've blogged about, and some that for one reason or another I haven't blogged. Things that have happened that just aren't my story to tell. And other things that I needed to deal with in offline life first, before I could talk about them online.

Like the fact that I've resigned from work and I'm now an official, full-time, Stay at Home Mum.

Giving up work was a huge decision to make. One that Dave and I talked about A Lot! We've umm-ed and ahh-ed. Done a lot of sums. I've done a lot of soul searching.

In the end, it was the right decision for our family and for me. Don't get me wrong, I love working. I love the place I used to work and especially the people I worked with. But that part of my life is over, I really feel like I've reached a point where it's time to move on.

I wrote a lot at the beginning of the year about how I had lots of hopes for 2014. My word for this year is determination and I still feel it. I wrote the following back in January and  it's definitely starting to come to fruition -

...most of all I am determined to take control of my life and to better myself in as many ways as I can. I am determined to do all the things I've been wanting to do for a long time. Or at least set myself on the path to doing those things.

Resigning from work has been the biggest step to getting myself on that path. I want to do graphic design. I want to do photography. They are my passions. I feel like now is the time to give them my all and really jump in the deep-end so to speak.

We are lucky enough to be in a position where I can take time off from working in formal employment and pursue these dreams. See if I really do have what it takes to make a living from my passions. It's exciting and scary, all at the same time.

This is the first time in my entire adult life that I haven't been employed, either on a full-time or part-time basis. Knowing that we are going to be living off one wage for an indefinite period has been daunting at times. But we've set ourselves up so that it doesn't have to be, and to make the financial side of things fairly easy to manage, as long as we are disciplined and stick to our budget.

I might have some nights when I lie in bed and think "What have I done? Can I really do this? Am I kidding myself that I have what it takes to make it work?" but I refuse to let those thoughts take over my mind. A little bit of fear of the unknown, fear of failing, it's what I need to push me outside of my comfort zone and give it everything I've got.

Except for the days when I'm PMSing or the kids are driving me up the wall. On those days I give myself full-permission to wallow in woe and eat crap!

I never thought, as I paced the halls of the hospital, willing Zee to hurry up and be born, that I would find myself sitting here typing these words today. In fact the only thought I had was "Why won't this fucking end?!".

But here I am. I'm terrified. I'm exhilarated.

I wonder what the next year will bring?

Who knew that by giving birth to Zee, I'd also be giving birth to the pursuit of my dreams.

Have you ever stepped outside of your comfort zone and followed your dreams? Taken a big leap of faith and backed yourself? If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do with your life that you're not doing now?

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