First Days // Life

I'm sitting here at my desk and what's that sound?

It's the sound of silence. 

Ok, so it's the sound of rain and loud traffic out the front, but inside the house, there's silence. It's almost too quiet.

Today Zee started Daycare. Her first full day away from me, being looked after by people who are not related to her in anyway. She's less than a week shy of being 18 months and if I'm totally honest, I'm feeling a little sad. I've looked forward to this day for a while now. My first day with no kids in the house. My first day with no-one to think about but myself. 

Punky has her first day in the 'big kids' room today too. I was quite relieved to see that her teacher from the 2-3 year room has moved up with the kids into the 3-4 year olds room because I know Punky has bonded with her and feels comfortable with her there.

I was also more than a little relieved to see that Punky's other teacher from last year has moved down to the pre-preschool room that Zee is now in. It's a familiar face for her in a room full of new. The teacher that was in that room when Punky was in there is also there too, and it makes me happy knowing that she is in such good hands.

First days are weird, aren't they. There is a sense of happiness, in knowing that your child is moving away from you a little, gaining a little independence and starting to find themselves in this big ol' world. Then there is the sadness, knowing that from now on, there is limited time before they are off to big school, and in a place where the harshness of the world suddenly comes much closer to them.

It will be a big first day for me next week, off to Tafe. My first time in 'formal' education, on campus, since 2001. I'm scared and excited, all at the same time. I'm excited about all of the awesome things I'll be learning, and getting to indulge my passion for photography and work hard at realising my dream of doing it for a living. I'm scared about how I'll manage, about getting assignments done, getting through all of the work. But it's a challenge I am so ready for, after 19 months of being a full-time stay-at-home-Mum.

Today marks the start of a new chapter in our lives. The newborn/baby days are behind us. I don't know if we will have another baby. Dave says no, no way, uh-uh. My head agrees with him. But my heart? My heart doesn't know what it wants. 

There is a part of me that thinks about those long newborn days and is glad that perhaps we won't have to deal with the endless feeds and sleepless nights again (not that the nights now don't bring their own wakings!). But there is another part of me that longs to feel those movements inside of me again, longs to cradle a tiny, sleeping newborn in my arms. Longs for the hours spent with a babe to my breast, holding their little hands, stroking their soft skin, and breathing in that intoxicating newborn aroma.

I honestly don't know what the future holds for this little family of 4 but there is one thing I do know. That no matter what, as long as we are together, it doesn't matter. As long as I have my people, my three lovely, beautiful, amazing people, I can do anything and face whatever our future may be.

I'm sad. But I'm also freaking excited!

How is everyone else's first days (school, preschool, work) going? Are you excited about what the future has in store for you and your family?

To the Mummas with babies off to big school today, i am thinking of you all and sending super big hugs. I hope the first day goes smoothly for both your cherubs and you!

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